Mammogram Jokes

Torilyn Martin
What I learned today at the Dr.’s office followed by my husbands 2 cents:
1) I’m extremely dense…didn’t need a medical doctor to give us that prognosis!
2) I have calcium deposits in my left breast…those are supposed to dispense calcium not be reposits Tori.
3) Some women have breasts that are too small to position in the machine and a special tool is required…spatulas, not just for the kitchen.
4) Breasts do indeed retain a flattened appearance following the administration of a mammogram…”Tori, why is your thumb in your mouth, are you trying to reinflate them?”
5) One of the images enhances the size of your breast…what do you mean we can’t have a copy of that picture?
6) Breast are like pillows, when pressure is applied to one area wrinkles appear in others. This required the technician to massage the wrinkles away from the photo…you got a chest massage out of that?
7) People have told me for a long time that I am bony…bony legs, bony ass…I really didn’t expect a Dr. to tell me I had bony boobs (his explanation of the calcium deposits)…that gives a whole new meaning to hard nipples!
Stickers applied to the nipples helps the doctor discern it from a growth in the picture…hold on, let me get this straight, the doc made you wear pasties?!? Can we play General Hospital when we get home?
9) Discomfort and pain are relevant. When asked by my husband how much it hurt I told him less than the car ride with him there…WIN!